Moving Out

Amrie’s Messed Up Life is moving to Wordpress. Visit me at http://amriemarue.wordpress.com

I Want

…someone to waste time with me.

Quoting Movies on Love

When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Harry Burns (Billy Crystal): I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Practical Magic (1998)
Sally Owens (Sandra Bullock): Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.

Practical Magic (1998)
Sally Owens (Sandra Bullock): Can love really travel back in time and heal a broken heart?

Practical Magic (1998)
Young Sally Owens (Camilla Belle): The guy I dreamed of doesn’t exist. And if he doesn’t exist, I’ll never die of a broken heart.

Never Been Kissed (1999)
Josie Geller (Drew Barrymore): You know, Adelie penguins spend their whole lives looking for that one other penguin and when they meet them, they know. And they spend the rest of their lives together.

Never Been Kissed (1999)
Josie Geller (Drew Barrymore): That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.

The Bachelor (1999)
Priest (James Cromwell): It’s a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face, when you’ve gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Kat Stratford (Julia Stiles):
I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.

I hate it…
I hate the way you’re always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around
And the fact that you didn’t call,
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you;
Not even close;
Not even a little bit;
Not even at all.

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
Melanie Carmichael (Reese Witherspoon): The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
Jake Perry (Josh Lucas): Nobody finds their soul mate when they’re ten. I mean, where’s the fun in that, right?

A Cinderella Story (2004)
Sam’s Dad (Whip Hubley): Fairy tales aren’t just about finding handsome princes. They’re about fulfilling your dreams and about standing up for what you believe in.

Pixel Perfect (2004)
Xander (Brett Cullen): Silicon is a great thing, you can mold it into glass or turn it into microchips. But it’s not alive. If you try to look for perfection in living people, you’ll end up having more breakfasts alone.

Just Like Heaven (2005)
Jack Houriskey (Donal Logue): God made alcohol as a social lubricant. To make men brave, and to make women loose.

He’s Just Not That Into You

Here’s one of my favorite books. I’ve posted this several times on my Blogspot account, but I guess I’m still to stubborn to follow what it says. But nonetheless, I love Greg Behrendt’s words.

he’s just not that into you
by greg behrendt and liz tuccillo

he’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out
because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out
/ an excuse is a polite rejection. men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship”
/ don’t get tricked into asking him out. if he likes you, he’ll do the asking
/ if you can find him, then he can find you. if he wants to find you, he will
/ just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he wants to dance. some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.
/ “hey, let’s meet at so-and-so’s party/any bar/friend’s house” is not a date. even if you live in new york.
/ men don’t forget how much they like you. so put down the phone.
/ you are good enough to be asked out.

he’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you
men know how to use the phone
/ if he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.
/ if he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you.
/ don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.
/ if he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
/ “busy” is another word for “asshole.” “asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating.
/ you deserve a freaking phone call.

he’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you
“hanging out” is not dating
/ guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “i don’t want to be in a serious relationship” truly means “i don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you” or “i’m not sure that you’re the one.” (sorry)
/ better than nothing is not good enough for you!
/ if you don’t know where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over and ask.
/ murky? not good.
/ there’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your boyfriend. quit goofing around and go find him!

he’s just not that into you if he’s having sex with someone else
there’s never going to be a good excuse for cheating
/ there is no excuse for cheating let me say it again. there is no excuse for cheating. now you say it. there is no excuse for cheating.
/ your only responsibility;ity in someone else’s lapse in judgment is to yourself.
/ cheating is cheating. it doesn’t matter whom it was with or how many times it happened.
/ cheating gets easier every time it’s done. it’s only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone’s trust.
/ cheaters never prosper.
/ a cheater only cheats himself, because he doesn’t get to be with you.

he’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk
if he likes you, he’ll want to see you when his judgment isn’t impaired
/ it doesn’t count unless he says it when he’s sober. an “i love you” (or any semblance thereof) while under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won’t hold up in court or in life.
/ drinking and drug use are not a path to one’s innermost feelings. otherwise people wouldn’t smash empty beer cans against their skulls or stick their fingers in fire to see if they can feel anything.
/ if he only wants to see you, talk to you, etc., when he’s inebriated, it ain’t love—it’s sport.
/ bad boys are actually bad.
/you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t have to get loaded to be around you.

he’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you
love cures commitment-phobia
/ “doesn’t want to get married” and “doesn’t want to get married to me” are very different things. be sure about which category he falls under.
/ if you have different views about marriage, what else are you not on the same page about? time to take inventory.
/ if you don’t feel like you’re rushing, why are you waiting?
/ there’s a guy out there who wants to marry you.

he’s just not that into you if he’s breaking up with you
“i don’t want to go out with you” means just that
/ you can’t talk your way out of a breakup. it is not up for discussion. a breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one.
/ he doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.
/ there’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

he’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you
sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself.
/ he might be lying in the hospital with amnesia, but more likely he’s just not that into you.
/ no answer is your answer.
/ don’t give him the chance to reject you again.
/ let his mother yell at him. you’re too busy.
/ he wasn’t good enough for you.

he’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak
if you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy
/ life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
/ you deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
/ you already have one asshole. you don’t need another.
make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve.
/ have faith. what other choice is there?

On Books

I have this quirkness with the books I own. I don’t like lending books that are in my “collection”, and those are the non-fiction, inspirational, Christian books that I have. I’m not at ease whenever even just one of these books in this collection is not on the table by my bedside. I’m not really “madamot” because I would rather buy a copy of the book and give it as a gift to the person than lend it, and with that, the person can read the book at any pace he/she wants and not have to worry returning it to me. I actually can’t part with my non-fiction collection. If I’m going to another country, I’ll surely bring them.

But with regards to the fiction books that I own, that’s another story. That I can lend, just be sure to return them or else…

The fiction books that I like can be divided into
six categories:

First one would be is written by Asian authors. For the longest time, “The Kitchen God’s Wife” by Amy Tan has been a favorite of mine. I liked it more than “The Joy Luck Club“, which is the more popular book, but I like all the her works anyway.

The next category would be stories about the paranormal, vampires and witches. Here comes Stephen King and Anne Rice.

The next one would be works by Neil Gaiman. I like reading his novels though apparently most people would prefer his graphic novels/comic books.

Next would be courtroom drama such as Jodi Picoult’s novels, which is my thing for the moment.

And then there are the mystery novels. Seriously, I like shows that involves crime solving, and I like that in my books as well.

And last but not the least would be adult fairytale, which Sean says is a weird name for a genre because adult and fairytales don’t mix. I’m into fairytale retellings such as the
novels of Gregory Maguire.

My current reccommendations are “My Sister’s Keeper” by Jodi Picoult and “Confessions Of An Ugly Stepsister” by Gregory Maguire.

Quoting Grey’s Anatomy on Fairy Tales

“You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.” - Meredith Grey

I used to believe in fairy tales, but now, after failing several times to find my happily-ever-after, I just don’t know what to believe in anymore. I’m not sure if I had completely let go of my fairy tales though.

Why Do We Like To Hurt So Much?

I’ve written this entry almost a year ago. I just thought to repost it since it’s February and it will keep up with the theme for the month. ^_^ I’ve edited it a bit though to reflect some of my new thoughts

My LSS is still “That’s What You Get” by Paramore, hence the title of this post is a line from that song.

Why do we like to hurt so much? It’s part of our being to love, and it’s part of loving to get hurt.

I’m not hurting as much as before, but I am seeing a lot of people who are hurting and/or confused. It’s difficult to give advice to hurt and confused people when you yourself are just getting over the hurt and confusion. But let this piece be a comment/reply on all the blog posts about losing someone/being stupid because of loving someone/fighting for someone you love that I’ve read.

We do stupid things because of love, so people who don’t want to do something stupid avoid love or at least avoid talking about love or their feelings so that they don’t have to let other people know that they themselves had done foolish acts. We all have a story to tell. Just these past few days, I have read a lot about those stories. I don’t know if I’ll feel comforted because I am not alone or if I’ll be sad because we’re too many.

For people who lost someone they love or have unrequited love…

Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you have to be with that person. Loving someone doesn’t give you the license to have that person. You can still love that person from afar. It’ll hurt, but if you truly love someone, you’ll take whatever you can get.

Often you’ll hear the phrase “you deserve someone better”. I hate that phrase  even if it might be very, very, very true. You won’t be able to see the worth of that phrase when you are in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you because the point of loving anyway is giving love unconditionally. You don’t require the person you love to be something in order for you to
love him/her. You don’t require that person to be someone who deserves you before you give your heart to him/her. I don’t use the phrase “you deserve someone better” to my friends because I know what it feels when you hear it. It’s just like “I told you so” which is a phrase that I know a lot of us, if not all, doesn’t want to hear.

But as dreadful as “you deserve someone better” is to hear, we should be open to the fact that there really is someone out there, other than the person whom we love and had hurt us, that we can love and maybe even love us back. Yes, we can’t chose someone we love, but it doesn’t mean we cannot love again.

I love Lara Fabian’s song “I Will Love Again” because it’s true. As long as our heart is beating we can love again. As the song puts it, “even if it takes a life time, I will love again.” Yes, it’s difficult, really difficult, and it may take a long time but it can happen. We just have to be open.

You don’t stop loving a person just because the person has stopped loving you or because he/she cannot love you in the way you want him/her to, but you’ll be able to love someone else more. Feelings don’t die (even if most people say they do) but they only fade or move into the back to give room for new feelings. The process takes time and hurts a lot, but you’ll live through it. ^^;

Cheers to happiness! (we’ll eventually get it ^^;)

The Month That Was: January

January 2: First Friday at Quiapo Church With Mhia

January 9: Ivan’s 40 Days

January 16: FS9 Get-together at Dencio’s Paseo Center

January 17: Partying With TNC Peeps at Merville

January 23: With Sean at Trinoma

January 26: With Loraine at ATC

January 30: FS Townhall

January 31: Enchanted Optus Kingdom

It has been a fun-filled and eventful month. I hope the fun continues for the rest of the year!

25 Random Things About Me

I’ve been tagged by two people already, Airene & Kim, in Facebook. For the people I tagged just check: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=51704290775&id=657988659&index=0

1. I love the color orange. Thank God for the color orange. Though I’m not a giddy person, I love orange because it’s such a happy color.

2. I am a chocoholic.

3. Pasta is a food group for me. I don’t mind eating pasta every day.

4. I like to watch shows that are related to crime solving, sleuthing and courtroom drama. [I’m a big fan of the CSI franchise and the Law & Order franchise and I thank Jerry Bruckheimer for creating most of the series I love.]

5. I collect inspirational and Christian books. The first book of my collection was a copy of “More Than A Carpenter” by Josh McDowell that was a gift from a friend.

6. I spend more on books over clothes.

7. I am a fan of Carrie Underwood, Reese Witherspoon, Dakota Fanning, Taylor Swift, Sara Bareilles, Johnny Depp and Jackie Chan.

8. I’ve been a blogger for more than four years now.

9. I’m an acrophobic. The last time I used the MMDA foot bridge in Bicutan, I had an anxiety attack. My heart was pounding so hard I could still feel it 20 minutes later. While on the foot bridge, I froze and got so disoriented I didn’t know how to move. That was the longest walk I had in my life.

10. I’m a hopeless romantic. [I’m a damsel who loves her distress.]

11. I would like to study again but I’m still looking for time and funds to do it.

12. My weight has never reached 100 pounds. I eat a lot but it seems that it doesn’t have an effect on my weight and my body.

13. I’m a hardcore photo addict/camwhore. I’ll stop whatever I’m doing to pose for the camera.

14. My favorite place that I’ve been to is El Nido, Palawan.

15. I’m the official organizer of my barkadas’ get-togethers.

16. I want to have a book I’ve written published before I die.

17. I am a drama queen… seriously.

18. I’ll be 25 years old this year and yet I’m still not sure where I want to be.

19. I am a stubborn person.

20. I always get myself tangled up in complicated situations.

21. I enjoy eating out, going on road trips or doing any other seemingly mundane things with friends more than going to big parties and mega social gatherings.

22. I have three barkadas and I love them so much. I have two barkadas from high school. I never had a barkada in college. (I guess because I spend more of my time in U.P. Diliman than in Ateneo and since I shifted course) And I have my barkada from PeopleSupport.

23. I want to learn how to speak Greek. (I got this idea when I heard Melina Eleni Kanakaredes a.k.a. Stella Bonasera of CSI:NY speak fluent Greek)

24. I believe that once you love a person, you’ll always love that person. It’s just that the love that you have for that person changes. You don’t stop loving a person just because the person has stopped loving you or because he/she cannot love you the way you want him/her to, but you’ll be able to love someone else more. Feelings don’t die (even if most people say they do) but they only fade or move back to give room for new feelings.

25. If you really want to know me (inside-out along with the deepest secrets) steal my USB flash drive that I bring anywhere and everywhere. It contains a soft copy of my blogs/journals, my portfolio and all my digital photos.

Of Haircuts, St. Jude and Migraine

Haircuts
For the past three months, my hair had been on the receiving end of my angsts. I’ve been having my hair cut every month, and I think there was even a month that I had it cut twice.
People have different reasons why they have a haircut. In my case, I know for sure it wasn’t for fashion or looks.

St. Jude
I’m going to add another thing in my to-do list this year. That’s going to St. Jude Church in Mendiola and light some red candles. [waiting for violent reaction from Tim here]
St. Jude is the patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes. Okay, I’m hopeless.
I prayed for something once and it went like this: “Dear God. I want to be with [insert name here], but if you think we shouldn’t be together then send someone whom I can be with.” I prayed like this for several weeks after shift during my early PS days, and guess what, the prayer was answered. I met someone else and didn’t end up with this other guy I liked, was with him for around two years and now I refer to him as an episode in my life. (or was it temporary insanity?)
Anyway, I guess next time I pray about something like this, I’d be careful with my wording.

Migraine
My song of the moment is “Migraine” by Moonstar 88. I’ve already posted it in my music links in Multiply before. The words of the song are ringing in my head.

Now the reason for my latest haircut, my new found “devotion” to St. Jude and my current “migraine” is one and the same.

Temporary High

My life is a series of temporary highs, and among my temporary highs, I’m high on you most.

One Day…

…I just decided that I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

Done Worst

“Many things–such as loving, going to sleep or behaving unaffectedly–are done worst when we try hardest to do them…” - C.S. Lewis.

End To Reruns Of Unworthy Episodes In My Life

I’m sorry, I won’t waste my time on reruns of unworthy episodes in my life.

I don’t want to hear anymore updates from your life. I want to go about mine without you holding me back.

No more connections–Friendster, Facebook, Multiply, Vox, GTalk nor YM.

I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

For the record:
Unworthy episode is not equal to knight. They’re two different people.

For My Knight

“Gravity”
by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Atenista Ka Pa Rin

Isa itong repost mula kay Mara na isang dating kasamahan sa Matanglawin, Ang Opisyal na Pahayagang Pilipino ng Ateneo. Nagmula ang re-post kay Omar na amin ring kasamahan sa Matanglawin. Ang orihinal na may akda ay si Nicole na kasalukuyang nasa unang taon ng kolehiyo sa Ateneo.

In defense of the Atenean community.

    Atenista ako. Pero marunong akong mag-diretsong Tagalog. Atenista ako. Pero marunong akong makipagtulakan sa MRT at isiksik ang sarili ko sa kakarampot na espasyo sa jeep. Atenista ako. Pero hindi ako gumagasta ng libo-libo sa isang pares ng sapatos o sa isang jacket. Wala akong kotse, wala akong driver, at lalong-lalo nang wala akong Wii o X-box o Play Station para mag-Guitar Hero at Rock Band maghapon. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako singtalino at sing-galing ng ibang Atenistang meron ng mga bagay na to. Hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako bagay na mag-aral sa isang sikat na unibersidad. Hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako Atenista.

    Madalas nababansagang maarte kaming mga Atenista dahil sa pananalita namin. Pero matalino lang ang mga estudyante ng Ateneo. Ang kapaligiran, mga propesor, ang estilo ng pagtuturo at pamamalakad ay dinisenyo para manganak at magpalaki ng mga studyanteng hindi lang napipilitang mag-aral ng mabuti, kundi ginugusto talagang maging mahusay sa akademya. Walang masamang maging magaling mag-Ingles. Walang masamang maging gamay makipag-usap sa mga dayuhan. Walang masamang maging marunong makipag-debate at ipaglaban ang pinaniniwalaan mo.

    Mareklamo daw kami. Bakit, sa La Salle ba, walang nagrereklamo sa lakas ng ulan? Sa UP ba, walang nagrereklamo sa init ng panahon? Sa Benilde ba, walang nagluluksa pag walang kuryente o mabagal ang wi-fi? Hindi kami naiiba sa inyo. Sa lahat ng mga ganito pa rin ang ideya tungkol sa mga Atenista, wala pa siguro kayong nakakausap na dormer ng Cervini, na galing Cotabato at nagsisikap mag-aral ng mabuti kahit nag-iisa at malayo sa pamilya. Wala pa kayong nakikilalang scholar na minsan kailangang umutang sa OAA para lang may pamasahe papasok. Sila? Nagrereklamo ba sila?

    Elitista daw kami. Pero hindi lahat ng Atenista mayaman o feeling-mayaman. Hindi lahat kami “sheltered” katulad nang hindi lahat nang Lasalista negosyanteng Intsik at hindi lahat nang taga-UP aktibista at hindi lahat nang taga-UST ay mga siokoy na lumulusong sa baha. Hindi porke’t “elite” ang school namin “elitista” kami. Hindi porke’t may dalawang Figaro sa loob ng campus namin hindi na namin nasisikmura ang isaw at betamax. Hindi porke’t malinis ang mga banyo namin pinandidirihan na namin ang mga Aeta. Marunong naman kaming manood ng Eat Bulaga at Wowowee at nabalitaan din namin ang break-up nina Dingdong at Karylle. At hindi lang usong damit at UAAP ang inaatupag namin. May pakialam din kami sa mundo. Alam namin ang tungkol sa global recession at krisis sa stock market ng Amerika. Nanood kami ng SONA at naintindihan namin yon. Alam na alam namin ang banta ng global warming, kaya nga hindi na kami gumagamit ng styro. Alam naming importanteng iangat ang estado ng Pilipinas sa mundo, kaya nga kami may JTA. Alam namin ang kalagayan ng mga magsasaka sa Calatagan, kaya nga ginagawa namin lahat ng kaya namin para matulungan sila. At oo, alam naming maraming nagugutom sa mundo, kaya nga Atenista pa rin kami.

    Wala pa akong isang buong taon sa Ateneo. Pero alam ko ang mga pinagsasasabi ko. Dahil sa loob ng pitong buwan sa Katipunan marami akong natutunan, nakilala, napuntahan at natulungan. Dahil nakita ko ang puso at talino ng mga taga-Ateneo. Dahil hindi ako maarte, hindi ako feeling mayaman, hindi ako mareklamo, at hindi ako elitista, pero hindi ipinagkait sakin ang pagiging Atenista.

One of Radioactive Sago Project’s albums is entitled, “… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Fashionista Ka Pa Rin”. Vocalist Lourd de Veyra plugs, “Bilhin ninyo ang album namin, “… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Atenista Ka Pa Rin”. I’m not angry at Radioactive Sago. In fact I love Lourd de Veyra. I want him to write me a song. This is just a reaction.

reference: To my fellow parents: On the meaning of an Ateneo education by Agustin Martin G. Rodriguez, Ph.D. as published in The Ateneo Way SY 2009

Knight And Damsel

You slay my dragons of despair. You get rid of the evil sorceress who takes away my happiness. You bring down the tower that life has built around me. You take down each of the brick of failures and broken hearts. My sincerest dreams are locked away in a fortress, but you are there to set them free.

I will always be your damsel in distress, eternally to be rescued. You will always be my knight in shining armor, my eternal savior.

But like Guinevere and Lancelot, we are not meant to be together. You will have a king to serve, a fellowship to protect and a kingdom to honor. I am not meant for you and my love for you banishes me to solitude.

Surrender

“Love is a scientific reaction. It’s the dopamine secreted by your brain.”

Chocolates have the same effect, and I think I should stick to them instead.

“To say that you’ve got one soul mate in the world out of six billion people, mathematically that’s setting yourself up for failure.”

I’m so tired of the crazy things I did and got into. I’m tired of all the temporary highs and short-lived stints. I need someone to fill up this empty space in me. But it’s just so difficult to happen since I have all these strings dangling and attached to me and since it just so happens that most of the good men are taken and that those whom I attract I just so happen not to like.

The emptiness isn’t growing, but it’s hard to ignore. Unfortunately though, I need to ignore it to survive because I can’t hold on to the idea that somewhere out there is someone meant just for me.

On The Things I Want

The problem isn’t that I don’t know what I want. I know what I want, it’s just that there are a lot of things that I want and the things that I want can’t co-exist. My happiness isn’t just based on gaining the things that I want, but on letting go of things that though I want doesn’t go with things that I want more and are more important to me. So when I learn to totally let go of some things, that’s the time I won’t just say I’m happy, but I can declare that I’m completely happy.

2009 To-Do List

I don’t want to make new year’s resolutions. I’d rather do a list of things I’d like to accomplish before 2009 ends and hope I’d be able to accomplish most of them if not all. ^^;
I got the idea from Joanna. Thanks! (”,)

This is in no particular order.

♥ Go to Trinoma and Serendra
I know I’m so pathetic because they’re just within Metro Manila and yet I haven’t been to them. I’ll just go for the heck of it. ;p

♥ Go to Ace Water Spa with my GND barkada
We’ve been planning to go there, just wasn’t able to organize the “event” properly last year. I want to give myself time off and just relax. And I have a discount coupon in my BJD planner and I don’t want it to go to waste. ;p

♥ Attend a silent retreat
Yes, it really has to be a silent one. I’ve been meaning to do some soul-searching and have quiet time to catch up on my readings and reflections. I know that Victory weekend will be this February, but I don’t think I’m ready for that one yet.

♥ Go to Pagudpod with my Spammers barkada
I would like to travel to the North since you can trace my roots to there. And Pagudpod is such a lovely place. My friend, Gem is going to do the organizing this time since she’s really excited to go there. ;p

♥ Go to Enchanted Kingdom with my brother
He told me he misses going there. I would like to go there as well. And we’ve both been so busy since he worked in Sutherland and I in 24/7, this would be a good bonding opportunity.

♥ Watch Terminator: Salvation with my brother on cinema
I know it’s coming out this year. My brother and I usually don’t watch movies on cinema. We just watch most of them on DVD. But if the movie is “special” to us, we would go and watch them on cinema. (ex. Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Pirate of the Caribbean series, Transformers) We both like Christian Bale, so we’re going to watch this one on the big screen.

♥ Do that Tagaytay road trip that my DLR friends and I had been meaning to do last year.
Hello! Like, we’ve been planning that for ages and we still haven’t done it. I think this is the year to do it! ;p

♥ Finish reading all the books I have in my collection
I haven’t finished reading some of them because I jump from one book to another. I’ve gone through half of “The Secret” and then there’s “The Purpose Driven Life” that I took a peek at and then there’s “Mere Christianity” which I’ve only read the Foreword.

♥ Reach the 100-lb mark in my weight
I think I’ve been trying this for years, but it just doesn’t happen. Maybe I should give up, huh? =p

♥ Attend all the Optus parties and 24/7 events
I just don’t want to deprive myself of those things. Hehe.

♥ Go to the U.P. Fair
I’m not really into bands and concerts, but I’d like to spend time with my friends from U.P. and enjoy the music. And I’ve already filed a leave for that!

♥ Learn a new skill or take a short course
I don’t know, I just want to learn something new and maybe beef up my resume too.

♥ Get great scorecards at work
I need them for regularization and for appraisal! And I don’t want just good scorecards, but great ones. =p

♥ Fix my career
Maybe this year I’ll be able to decide what I really want to do ;p I hope that 2009 will be a good year for me. ^^;

♥ Save up
I’ve started last year, and I want to continue on doing it.

My to-do list involves travel, friends, family and career. How about love life? Let’s just leave that to fate. <(~~,)

We’re Still Lucky

“Masuwerte pa rin tayo” — this was what my brother told me one time that we bought groceries. We actually had the same thing in mind. I don’t know why he said that, but I was about to say the same thing because I saw this girl, about my age, who’s bagging groceries. I thought that if some things didn’t happen the way they did then I might have been the one bagging those groceries. I don’t have anything against her work. It’s a pretty decent job. What I’m saying is I wouldn’t be enjoying most of the things I’m currently enjoying if things happened differently.

I feel lucky and blessed as I look at the things that happened to me and the things I have now. My brother and I both graduated from science high schools and good universities. We both have good jobs. We don’t get things instantly, but we’re able to buy things that we need and we can save up for the things we want. We get to eat at least thrice a day and we can eat the food that we want. We have a decent home and we have all the stuff we need.
And these past few days I feel more thankful because blessings are coming my way even if I don’t ask for them.

We may not be rich but we’re still lucky, and for that I’m very grateful.

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Repost from: December 25 Multiply entry and Blogspot Entry “We’re Still Lucky”

Math Sad Stories

Math tells us three of the saddest stories…TANGENT: lines who had one chance to meet and then parted foreverPARALLEL: lines who were never meant to meet
and
ASYMPTOTES: lines who can get closer and closer but will never be together.

This quote made me feel sad when I tried to relate it to people. It made me think which situation is the saddest.

For parallel lines, you don’t know what you lost since you never ever met. But since you never had the chance to meet, you never had the chance to experience the lovely things you might have experienced.

I think it’s sad for tangents because you know what you lost and you can never have it back. Do you know that no matter how far you extend tangents they would never meet again? Sigh.

But I guess it’s worse for asymptotes because the graphed curve and the line can get really, really close, but that’s just it. You can stretch an asymptote to infinity and the distance between them becomes smaller than any distance that one may specify, but it will never be zero.

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Repost from: December 23, 2008 Multiply entry and Blogspot entry “Math Sad Stories”

Let Me Introduce Myself

I have decided to make a public blog–something that would contain my side of the story that I want the world to know. I have another side of the story to tell, but I have a different space for that at Drama Queen: A Story Of A Girl but only a few has the priviledge to read it. I want another space where I can tell things that I’m willing to share to the world.

Before we continue on talking about this mess called my life, let me introduce myself.

My name is Marie Anne. Marie means “bitter” (Mara in Hebrew), while Anne means “Grace” (Anna in Hebrew). I guess my life really follows this pattern, I need to experience a lot of bitterness first before I receive grace/joy/happiness.

I’m called by many names. 

• Ma-Anne/Maan which is my real nickname, and a lot of people call me.
• Marie which is what my TNC friends call me, from which Amrie and Marue came from.
• Anne which is what my family and people who are really close to me calls me.

I’m a part time corporate slave and a full time writer and drama queen. I earn a living by being a Financial Services Representative. I work for one of the BPOs that proliferates in the Philippines. But I live by writing and I live through a lot of drama.

These are words that I associate to myself:

muntinlupa city* pisay*ateneo*split-personality*creative writing*journalism*children’s book*algebra*trigonometry*feature writing*biology*chemistry*student catholic action*Christian*dancing*writing*reading*orange*pink*purple*videoke*sp aghetti*mocha frapuccino*double dutch*csi*csi miami*csi new york*crime/suspense*disney original movies*blog*johnny depp*theater*jacky chan*cinderella*country music*carrie underwood*the corrs*daughtry*lipgloss*3rd wave feminism*stuff toys*shoes with heels*obsessive-compulsive*sentimental*crybaby*poems*essays*max lucado*elisabeth elliot*josh harris*greg maguire*jodi picoult*amy tan*neil gaiman*fairytales*chocoholic*bagaholic*trebuchet*monotype corsiva*multiply*facebook*blogspot*scrabble*bookworm*ym*gtalk*adobe pagemaker*adobe indesign*adobe photoshop*macromedia freehand*pictures*paper*gnd*dlr*ot addicts*fear of heights*sinigang*reese witherspoon*chick flicks*stickers*scrapbooks*bookstore*unlimited texting*student number 011033*writer*Christian books*hopeless romantic*portfolio

I’m all over the net. You’ll see my profile in different social networking sites and I have a lot of blogs, some abandoned, some serving a specific purpose.

If you want to see how I look, you can simply visit my Multiply: Guide To Athens. It contains hundreds of photo albums because I’m simply a camwhore.

In the future, I’ll be talking about the things I like. I hope you don’t get bored. But if you do, you always have the option not to read my entries anyway.

This has been a long introduction. I’ll be ending this and get started on telling my other stories.